Brain watching, unlikely bird watching, is my favourite hobby when the bad, uncomfortable, unnecessary thoughts start to kick in.
I can already feel it in the air before the time. Maybe it’s when I am a bit tired or maybe I had drunk too much the night before. Regardless of the cause I may want to look for, it never has something to do with my actions. Getting those weird statuses is just something that arrives with no introduction and often after a fair slice of euphoria.
It is as the eastern philosophy beautifully describes it. Our thoughts are like clouds, they are not real, they do not create our life. Being mindful and connected as much as possible with my reality in the moment is what it takes to feel healthy.
Being a brain watcher is an art and it needs time. I think I have been practising it for about two years now (maybe a bit less) and what I can see on my skin is how I learn every day to get better.
It is difficult because once something reaches our brain, we have one single attitude: we start judging.
Today I was working in the garden while thinking all the possible options I have in front of me for my future, starting from May. In every different option, I could see just the bad sides of myself. I was thinking that all my relatives would like to see me stopped in one place only. I was thinking that I should seriously start thinking about getting a job because sooner or later I might need more money. I was thinking how is crazy that I am almost 33 and I feel so alive and happy to live wild and free. To get lost into the beautiful colours of this sunset in the Algarve, with my fingers dirty of humid soil and my hair a mess.
How can I keep on living like this and how can I find it so beautiful to meet always new people and fall in love with them and when I don’t like them too much I learn from them and if I do like them a bit I know how to adjust myself? I always am able to find a way to get things good even when they aren’t really good at all!
So I kept on working and I got till the end of the day which is now and I am realizing how I feel so different while I am typing these words.
Nothing really has changed, in me or outside me. Just some thoughts, like clouds, which are now gone and that I look fading away as the colours of this beautiful evening, ready to turn into night as quickly as the sound of the far cicadas I can hear.
I now know I am into my moment and the negative thoughts have left me because I am blessed to be here, to be healthy and to be brave for living the life I truly want.